Celebrating Success
Have you ever accomplished something that should’ve made you feel proud, and yet you just weren’t able to enjoy it? It somehow wasn’t good enough. Or, if you celebrated your success, the joy was short-lived and you quickly fell back into a mindset of “I can do better than that.”
Until I read two separate articles about the phenomenon, I thought it was simply part of my own hyper-driven personality. But it turns out, it’s a fairly common experience.
Many of us, it seems, have succeeded—often in more than one field or in more than one segment of life—and yet we either don’t see it as a success, or we’re too busy looking ahead to the next challenge, preparing a strategy for conquering the next mountain. We don’t take the time to enjoy what we’ve accomplished.
The usual experts have weighed in and offered a plethora of explanations for this attitude. Some claim it’s similar to the concept of imposter syndrome, where you feel inadequate despite success, that somehow you’re not truly worthy of that success, as if you simply got lucky.
Some express concern that this lack of appreciation is a product of the “everyone gets a trophy” style of parenting. When a child’s been raised to believe everything they’re doing is the greatest feat of all time, then naturally a day will come when they see through the bullshit and realize their accomplishments either aren’t any better than those of anyone else, or they’re not really accomplishments at all.
Could this be true for younger generations? Maybe. But it certainly doesn’t apply to the rest of us. Hell, when I was young we were lucky if we got anything for winning a competition. One of my little league baseball teams won the all-around championship and our reward was a free meal at a nearby truck stop. I’m not kidding. So while this theory may have some elements of truth to it, I think the problem goes deeper than having parents who coddle.
Some go so far as to say it’s a sign of depression. I’m not qualified to offer an educated response to this, except to say I’ve read the arguments for it and they make sense to me. It could, indeed, be a component of depression. Anyone who has fallen into this darkness recognizes the symptom, the inability to properly value yourself or your abilities. But, again, while it certainly can contribute to some of the cases, I don’t think this diagnosis covers everyone.
At some point, we may have to come to grips with the fact that we might never know the exact Why. It’s likely a case where one size does not fit all.
Speaking personally, what makes it even worse is the simple fact that I recognize this pattern of thinking in myself. I can stand outside myself and see that I’m unwilling or unable to celebrate successes because I’m either too focused on the next book/show/anything, or I flat-out refuse to acknowledge that it’s actually a success. There are people close to me who express surprise or downright frustration that I shrug off any and all signs of success.
Perhaps you’re the same way. You know in your heart that you should be happy for an accomplishment, and yet you’re reluctant to stop, relax, look back, and—I think this is key—be kind to yourself.
Because really, that’s what this boils down to. I was raised with a strong work ethic. I was brought up to strive. I’ve been competitive by nature since I can remember. And while I don’t regret any of these traits—indeed, I’m grateful for them—I have to wonder if the problem is that I’ve never balanced these qualities with an equal measure of self-kindness. While I strongly believe it’s the drive and competitive nature that’s ultimately delivered the successes I’ve experienced, I’ll admit I suck at celebrating them. Balance, often touted as the tonic for a happy life in general, is obviously the prescription here.
The know-it-alls say awareness is the first step toward transformation. Alcoholics must begin to get help by acknowledging their disease; for that matter, any type of addiction is tough to overcome unless one accepts that the problem is real.
While I by no means am implying that the inability to appreciate success is as damaging as a drug or alcohol addiction, I believe it’s nonetheless harmful. Our mental health is vitally important, too, and the goal of happiness is pretty tough to achieve when we hobble our own progress.
Now that we’ve shone a light upon the issue, maybe you and I can take that knowledge and funnel it into transforming ourselves. We can shut off the treadmill for a few minutes, temporarily shift our minds from drive to neutral, and embrace the peace that comes from knowing—really knowing—that a job was well done.
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If you enjoyed this piece, consider buying Dom a tea or a beer right here. He would consider that a smashing success.
